Sleeping hasn't really been my thing lately.
You could say that maybe it's because the girls are on Spring break, but that's not the case because I am still getting up at 6:30am to babysit.
You might also think that maybe I am just getting to bed too late and burning my candle at both ends?? Nope. We get up to bed around 10pm on average.
That's when the problem starts.
Last night I found myself digging through our closet trying to find my gypsy wrap. Thankfully, I found it rather quickly, but I should also tell you about the 60 minutes that I spent refreshing myself on different ways to wrap the baby. I was surprised at how much I remembered, but then I reminded myself that I have never used my wrap for a newborn (if that is what we should get). Thus started my YouTube search.
The other night I sat in the nursery and just cried. Since we moved the nursery to a different bedroom, I'm just not thrilled on the way that it looks or feels. My wonderful husband tried to remind me that we have everything that we could possibly get at this time and that we don't know what else we will need anyway, but that's not the point. It doesn't feel warm and cozy in there. I don't feel happy or satisfied when I am in there. It actually feels very cold and pulled together in a horrible way. I know that this would mean very little to other women and I also know that this adorable baby will be thankful for anything, but I want more than that. This means a lot to me. I'm going to the fabric store tonight so I can get started on a crib skirt and teething guard. Hopefully that will make a difference.
I also lay in bed and think of how dirty my house is. Let me clarify...
We always pick up the house before we go to bed so whatever chaos the girls do during the day is unnoticeable. I'm worried about reorganizing the pots and pans, cleaning out closets, sorting out all of the clothes that no longer fit, scrubbing the fridge, cleaning out my desk drawer...you get the idea.
I'm pretty sure I am going to sit back and laugh at this post in a few weeks, but it's important that I share what I am feeling at this moment.
The car seat is ready and waiting to be installed. We have to wait until Tuesday night because I still have the car seats for K and T in my van.
I still need to get my diaper bag. I know what one I want, I just can't seem to find it. I'm crossing my fingers that I can find it at the NEX this weekend or I may have to order it.
So much is about to change next week. I had the most amazing and honest talk with Alyssa and Allison yesterday. We went over the whole foster care process, the what-if's, what they may be feeling right now, what they might feel a week or two into it all and I did my best to answer all of their questions. They are very aware of what is about to happen and that makes me very happy. We now have 'Talk Time' every night. We've made this a new thing in our home and we want the girls to know that every night they each get a certain amount of time with either mommy or daddy to talk about whatever they want. We tried to make it separate from foster care so instead of them associating it with any ill feelings, it's simply time before bed when they get to talk about whatever is on their mind. I really hope that they respond well to this and learn to look forward to it. I'm no pro, but I really think we are handling things well with the girls and I am praying for a smooth transition for them.
That's it for now, I'm sure there will be more soon! :)