March 17, 2012


Sometimes I...

after a year without my husband, still can't take a shower at night. I've convinced myself that it is only during those quick 5-10 minutes that a scary man will in fact break into my house. :)

need to shut the door of the girls' bedroom and count to 10 instead of doing what I really feel. The things that come out of their mouths at 4 years of age is just shocking. I calm down and only when I am ready, we talk about it. I try to understand that they are feeling emotions that they do not yet understand and the easiest person to take it out on is me...that still doesn't make it okay!

don't do the dishes until I literally HAVE to.

sit on the edge of my bed and physically try to cry, but nothing happens. All of the emotions are there, I can feel them. At times, I would give anything to just breakdown and get those feelings out, at least then I would feel like I have a little control.

feel so alone even though I am surrounded by so many friends and family.

wash the same load of laundry multiple times before it actually makes it into my house and into a dresser drawer. (my washer/dryer are in my garage)

wonder how so many women (or military spouses in general) handle the numerous deployments. I used to think it would be easier with kids, that way they could keep you busy. Nope! I was wrong, oh how I was wrong. I think about the spouses of years past and wonder how they dealt with the months of no contact at all when we live in a day of Skype, international cell phones and the Internet. It's at that moment and I decide to suck it up and consider myself blessed.

go back and forth about wanting another child. I could write a whole post just on this subject. My three little ladies are my world and to some, three seems like a handful. I, however, feel a little cheated with the twins. Yes, they were amazing and I wouldn't trade that experience for anything, but I had two at once where most mothers get to spread it out and enjoy every individual moment. Even though I have had three 'first steps', it really feels like I have only had that twice since the twins did everything so close together. I love the way things are with three and I hate to change that. Life is still somewhat easy...and that is always a plus.

could sit on the couch all day and Pinterest. (is Pinterest a verb? I think it is now!:))

simply don't blog because I think you would all die of boredom.

.   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .

Tomorrow is my sisters bridal shower. I'm very excited to see it all come together. I just hope it will look as good as it does in my head.

Johnathon has left port and is sailing again. Please continue to keep him in your prayers as he is still in a very dangerous area.

My mother is doing amazing. We are hoping to have a date scheduled for her surgery by this week. Fingers crossed that it all goes well. For you newer readers, she was diagnosed with breast cancer around this time last year and after two failed surgeries and a round of chemo, we are still battling the beast.

Life is good right now. I have my ups and downs, of course, but life is really good. The weather is fabulous, the kids are growing, things are changing...


1 comment:

Heather said...

I will probably be in the minority saying this compared to any other responses, but I would encourage you to have another baby!! Children are a blessing...and you will never regret having another one. What you may regret someday is not having another one. Each child brings so much more into your life. Each child will make you a better mom (and you're already awesome, so how much better can you get?) We are having our 5th in June - and yes, you will get comments about having 'too many' and things like that, but I wouldn't change anything for the world! I couldn't imagine life without even just one of my kids...impossible! They're awesome (most days)!

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