March 22, 2012

Can't Catch A Break

I'm going to do my best to be honest...

I'm struggling.

I am genuinely having a hard time keeping my head above water at the moment. It's not one thing in particular, just life.

  • My sister moved out of my parents house a few months ago and only just recently contacted us with news of where she was (a different state) and who she was with. This has been very hard for me, but this is as much as I feel comfortable sharing at this time.
  • My mom is doing well and has even scheduled a date for her surgery. For those new readers, she will be attempting a mastectomy for the third and hopefully last time. Again, for personal reasons, that is as much as I feel like sharing right now.
  • I have just over one month to pack up 99% of my belongings and put it all in storage so I can live with my parents for 6 weeks and then drive across the country to meet my husband who will be coming home from deployment.
  • Allison gets the rest of her birthmark removed next week.
  • Alyssa is nothing but consistent with her little attitude.
  • Madelynn gave us a surprise scare the other day when she developed a staph infection in her diaper region. With her being potty trained and so independent, it wasn't until she accidentally flashed me that I realized something looked funny. As soon as I got a closer look, I knew we needed to head to the doctor ASAP. She was put on an antibiotic and a surgeon tried to drain the now large abscess. When it only looked worse the next morning, we were sent to the hospital. Long story short, my poor baby was put to sleep and had her abscess drained and a tube inserted for further draining. She was, and still is, in so much pain, but handled it like a trooper. To top everything off, we are pretty sure that she has Mrsa and a culture was taken. We shall see!
  • After all the trouble I went through to apply for housing in San Diego, there was a paper that wasn't updated so now we are playing the waiting game. I sent Johnathon all of the documents he needed to update the said paper and now I am just waiting for him to send me a new copy. With everything he is dealing with out on deployment, who knows when that will be. :)
  • I've decided to hire a moving company to handle the move. It was actually Johnathon's idea and during a Skype session with him, he did everything. He is amazing.
  • I literally have a ring of filth around my bathtub. Thank goodness I have to bleach the poor thing after each of Madelynn's baths.
  • My house is a mess. To the point that I get a stomach ache when I come home. Seriously. There are boxes everywhere, my kitchen sink is always full, I find crayons in the oddest places... Most people would understand the state of my apartment given everything that I have going on, but I can't stand it. I'm pretty sure that if my husband were to see it, he would think an alien had taken over my body.
  • Alyssa and Allison have started seeing a psychologist. In an effort to keep their private lives PRIVATE, this is something that I almost didn't share with everyone. The way I see it, they aren't going because of a behavior issue, but to prevent one. I know they are having a hard time with everything and I just want to make things as easy on them as possible. If they can have someone to talk to, who can help me with how to talk to them and make them feel like everything is going to be okay, then I am all for it.
  • I am tired. I don't just say that because I need a facebook status or because I spent my day doing what a mother should and took care of my children. I am exhausted. I have a hard time falling asleep and throughout the night the girls find their way into my bed. I don't take them back to their room because quite frankly, I don't mind. The problem is that there are three of them so you add when they each climb into bed, plus bathroom visits, plus wanting to snuggle and then Madelynn's early wake-up call and I get little to no sleep. Yes, it's my own fault for letting them climb into my bed, but with everything else in my life...this is a battle that I am not willing to fight.
  • I'm having a really hard time with Johnathon being away. I seriously do not know how other women do it so often. We have been apart for over a year now with three short visits in that time. I go through cycles with my emotions...motivated and upbeat, annoyed and frustrated, sad and angry...I am currently in sad and angry. For the longest time I have repeated to myself. 'One day at a time'...even that has become difficult.
I have something booked or planned for every single day over the next three weeks. It's kind of pathetic really. Doctors appointment here, doctor's appointment there, don't forget dance's never ending.

I just want to thank my husband through all of this. I only get to talk to him so often and he never complains when I need to just vent. He is so willing to listen without judgment and always knows exactly what to say. Even from halfway across the globe, he is my rock!

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