June 29, 2011

Not Okay

I am typically very strong and quiet when it comes to my emotions and my typical response to someone is always..."I'm good" or "I'm okay"

My mom starts chemotherapy on Friday for an unknown amount of time...
I'm NOT okay

My husband recently left for over a year and even if I were to see him again soon, it would be for a day or two and only once...
I'm NOT okay

My 19 month old will not sleep in her own bed and knows how to both climb out of her bed and open doors. I'm exhausted...
I'm NOT okay

Our bank decided to stop letting their customers use our debit cards in the state of California. Umm, my husband lives there temporarily and is now without access to any money. Somehow I am supposed to find a single spare moment to switch banks, all of our automatic payments and whatever else...
I'm NOT okay

I am in extreme pain anytime I am on my period or ovulate. This has been going on for months and I put it off assuming it was just a cyst and would go away. To my defense, I had other things going on. Now it is so bad that it takes me to the floor and puts me in tears every two weeks. I'm getting scared but simply don't have the time to find a new PCM in my po-dunk area and get seen...
I'm NOT okay

I'm having a week moment...err, MONTH...and I feel like the walls around me are caving in, and quick! I'm tired, stressed and feel so alone. I know I am loved and there are people all around me, but there is just one person who could make me feel better and he is 2000 miles away. I'm spinning and can't stop.

For just a second I would like to get off of this roller coaster and forget about everything that is going on around me.

How dare I complain? I'm not the one with cancer...I am not heading out to sea for months...my problems seem so small compared to what those around me are dealing with. I feel like a horrible person to complain at all.

I'm NOT okay.

2 comments:

Becky Harned said...

Hang in there for your momma...and for those cute little girls in no time your hubby will be back and you will be all together ..hang in there...P.s.I WOULD BE GOING NUTS RIGHT NOW TOO..its ok to let off steam cause for god's sake you deserve too plus you will feel better

Anonymous said...

Of course you're not ok!!! How could you be? You are only human little red! Let those of us that love you help you! YOU DO NOT HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING YOURSELF! Sit down and find a doctor now! It is not selfish to take care of yourself! It is a must if you wanna help your mom. Do it for her and your babies. How can you take care of them if you don't take care of yourself? I really wish i had a majic wand! LOVE YOU!!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...