September 2, 2009

its past 1am and i can't sleep. the twins have been sick the last day or so and tonight they are at their grandparent's house. it is taking all that i have not to call them right now and see how things are going. haha. i am sure they are fine, but a part of me just knows that Alyssa is wanting her mommy to hold her. she is already my little mini-me, but when she is sick its like there is no one else in the room but me. :( it was the sweetest thing, today she was laying on the couch with a cold wash cloth on her head and she got up, got a baby doll, and then put the wash cloth on her baby dolls head. she then looked up at me and said "it okay mommy, shh!" haha i don't know whether to cry or laugh! my little girls are so caring and smart...its almost a little scary.

Johnny leaves port tomorrow and starts the last leg of the trip. we are down to almost 13 days or so until he is safe and standing on US soil. i can't believe these last few months went by so fast. at the time it didn't feel like it, but now that its coming to an end, i am finding it hard to think about where the time has gone. my birthday/due date is only 45 days away. that means that in 45 short days...Johnny will be here with us, our baby will be AT LEAST a week old (back-up c-section date) and we will be heading to California is a matter of days. im not quite sure if i am ready to leave Illinois. my nieces and nephew mean almost as much to me as my own children and i don't think i can say good-bye to them again. no matter how happy i am to be going home or how excited i am to start our life as a family of 5...i don't want to miss out of their lives here. school, holidays, birthdays, sports...i want to be a solid part of everything that they do. i know i can't have it both ways...but WHY NOT?! again, this is the probably the hardest and most frequent question i ask myself.

"God, please reveal to me what path it is that you want for me to take. Show me where it is that i need to be. Tell me what is wanted of me and i will obey. Give a nudge in the right direction and let me know what you see for me."
today was a little rough for me in the pregnancy department. i woke up with an all over achiness in my body. Madelynn is literally kicking me so high that i swear i can feel it BEHIND my ever growing boobs. she also must think its funny to adjust herself in my right hip all day long!! i used to think that she was very active, but it was nothing compared to what she is up to now. i think i feel her moving (literally) every 2 minutes. they are no longer kicks and barely are they even quick movements...they are powerful strong movements where i can feel her pushing her hands, feet, legs, head or butt against my stomach. i am just waiting to see the imprint of a tiny hand or foot on my belly. my belly button is also on the verge of "popping" out. *sigh* its officially stretched to the max and you can even see both holes where it was once pierced. mind you, the second hole is supposed to remain on the INSIDE never to be seen. haha. i think the icing on the cake is that my colostrum is leaking!! (WARNING: TMI) i can't even stand to be cold without it feeling like someone is detaching my nipples with a pair of pliers. haha! being pregnant is probably the hardest thing i have ever done...its a shame that i love kids and love being a mom so much! :) i have my 34 week check-up tomorrow and i am curious to see what the Dr. has to say. i think overall i am doing pretty good and i have no major complaints...that he can fix anyway! :)

if anyone was worrying, Johnny will NOT be effected by the hurricane that is building on the coast of Mexico. he will eventually sail past there, but the hurricane should be long gone by then.


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