December 16, 2008

yesterday marked another monthly anniversary of my grandpa's passing. it feels like with every month that passes, it gets harder and harder to think about. the shock is over and now i am struggling with the reality that i will never see him again. he will never ask me how Johnny is doing and how big "his girls" are. i know he hated dialysis and that is not the way he wanted to live, but am SO thankful for those last few months that he was with us. he was so strong and held on as long as he could. i just wish i could have been there with him those last few weeks. i kick myself when i think about how i almost called him the day before he died. WHY DIDN'T I JUST PICK UP THE PHONE?! ugh...i will always have to live with the fact that i could have talked to him one more time. it tears me up inside. i just want to hear his voice. i want him to tell me everything is going to be okay. i want my grandma to be happy again. i want her to know that he isn't in anymore pain. i want her to be able to get up every morning without crying. i want her to be able to get through the holidays and know just how much we love her.
the girls just woke up from their afternoon nap and are playing quietly in their room. some days they can be so sweet and well behaved. they are learning more and more all the time. they have learned how to kick a ball and they can now pick it up and throw it too. we are currently working on rolling it back and forth....they don't quite understand the concept! haha. their new thing is putting lotion on. i think they see me applying it daily on my horribly dry hands and want to be like mommy. they hold out one of their hands and point to the middle of their palm. haha. its so sweet. i just give them a little dab and they start poking it and clapping their hands. we are still working on rubbing it in. :) they enjoy getting their hair done and actually sit still for me now. Allison also likes to "comb" her hair before bed. she usually has the brush backwards...but its the thought i guess. i also had to start using a comb in their hair because the baby brushes wouldn't work with their "long" hair. haha. i still can't believe that some people have to cut their child's hair before they are one. the twins will probably be three before they get their actual first haircut.
we are getting the girls' Santa picture taken tomorrow. i was sick with the flu last year wasn't able to take them, so this should be interesting. they don't take well to strange males so who knows how they will react with Santa. i am hoping it all goes well. i am also going to try to finish up my last minute Christmas shopping tomorrow and we will be DONE DONE DONE! i am getting pretty excited about Christmas, but i wish it would hurry up and get here. there is about a week left and its killing me. the girls have already ripped most of the gifts open and its like pulling teeth and nails to get them to leave them alone. i think i am going to have to re wrap all the gift on Christmas Eve. i would actually like to put all of them together and only leave a few of the small toys wrapped. that way there is less work for Johnny and i in the morning and the girls still get to open some gifts. we'll see.
not much else is going on here...just the usual grocery shopping tonight, holiday shopping tomorrow, hanging with friends on Saturday, being lazy on Sunday and starting all over on Monday.
God Bless and Happy Holidays!

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