-its late and everyone is sleeping except me...surprise, surprise! i am tired, i just have a hard time shutting down at the end of the day. i guess i just feel like there is something i should be doing, planning, cleaning...etc. Thanksgiving is a day away and the excitement is building by the minute. we are having a few friends over and i really think its going to be a wonderful day. hopefully the twins will nap for the majority of the time i am baking and wake up just in time to eat. (keep your fingers crossed)
its raining outside...more like POURING! i absolutely love rainy days. i love how its cold and grey outside and all you want to do is curl up on the couch with a good book and some hot chocolate! oh my! *sigh. i really miss the four seasons of Illinois and i can't wait to have them all again. i heard thunder tonight and it about made me pee on myself. its the first thunder i have heard in almost two years. at first i thought there had been some sort of explosion. haha.
i can't even find the words to describe my beautiful growing daughters. i wish i could video record them for 24 hours straight and let you witness the kind of miracle and joy i get to partake in daily. its just a blessing. i fear that allison is starting to become a little jealous and it breaks my heart. i obviously love both girls dearly, but little alyssa is not afraid to get what she wants. if she wants to be held then her butt is climbing onto the couch and into my lap. even though it is quite sweet, her sister just isn't that way. the second alyssa is in my lap allison shoots me a look as to say "but mommy...i love you too" ugh...my heart instantly breaks into a million pieces and i feel guilty for holding her sister. allison has even resorted to pulling her sisters hair and hitting her on the head the second she gets off of my lap. this is all VERY out of character for her and i am not sure how to handle it. johnny and i have started making sure to love on allison more and more. sometimes when they are napping i like to sneak into their room and wake allison up a few minutes early to cuddle with her and give her some one on one time with mommy. tonight allison was having a hard time sleeping and johnny and i took her downstairs and spoiled her, rocked her and sang to her. she loved it! the girls may not be talking yet (UGH) but they sure are verbal. they have the funniest "twin talk" and it just cracks me up. its as if they REALLY know what the other is saying. they spend their whole day walking around the house "talking" to each other. its amazing! even though they do fight a little here and there, they are the best of friends. tonight allison started to cry...alyssa looked at her with a puzzled face and started to cry with her. AAH! haha. they also like to feed each other and get their sippys for each other. its really sweet and touching to just sit back and watch them interact. they are both such sweethearts. allison has started a new little thing lately where she will come up to me and hold one of my finger (kind of like holding hands) i don't know if she has watched johnny and i hold hands (which we do quite often) or if she picked this up elsewhere. she will simply grab my finger and hold it for a few minutes. when she is finished she will let go and go on about her business. sometimes when i am sitting on the floor and she in my lap, she will reach back behind her head without looking and feel for my arm...then my hand...then my finger! :) its adorable. johnny and i took the girls to the grocery store tonight and alyssa was such a daddy's girl. she wouldn't let him put her down. he was a sweetheart and carried her through the entire store. she even cried when he had to put her in the car.
Thanksgiving will be our first holiday without my grandpa. i want so badly to be there for my grandma during this rough time. sometimes i feel guilty for being 3000 miles away from family in a time like this. i feel like its my duty to be there, to comfort them...to tell them that it is going to be alright. (even if i am having a hard time believing it myself) lately, in the last few weeks, i have found myself crying at the drop of a hat whenever i think about my grandpa. its still so hard to believe that i will never get to see him again, talk to him, hug him, talk to him about johnny and see him with my girls. i was so lucky to be able to introduce him to them, but they will not remember. they will never know how wonderful of a person he was. how loyal he was to his family and how hard of a worker he was. i just want to see him one more time. to just tell him i love him and i miss him SO much. it comforts me to know that is no longer in pain. i know he is up in heaven smiling down on me and my family.
i have taken MANY MANY MANY photos over the last week and i am going to do my best of posting them tomorrow for you all to see. until then, i love you!