HAPPY GRANDPARENTS DAY
-its only natural that on "grandparents day" i would think of my grandpa. its been almost a month since his death and everyday without him seems to be harder than the one before. in a way it just doesn't seem real and the more i think about it, the more it hurts. i know everyone has their own way of coping with death...i just haven't found mine yet. i think about him all the time and everytime i see a darn western on tv i break down in tears. i don't really tell everyone how i feel because i don't want to bring it up and make them sad too...sometimes keeping it all in is the hardest of all. as i got thinking about him today i remembered a few pictures that i took of him and johnny on Father's Day 2007 (a week before the twins were bron). the pictures were beautiful and of course i cried...cried...and cried some more. after i got myself together i searched through the rest of the pictures for him. to my surprise i had MANY. i had ones with him and johnny, him and the twins, him and i...all sorts. it was a nice reminder that he got to spend time with my girls and that hopefully, if i am lucky, they will be a little like him.
along with the pictures of my grandpa were TONS of pictures of the last year. i was looking at the pictures of my HUGE twin belly and tried to convince johnny of how "cute" i looked and how it would be nice to have another...IT DIDN'T WORK. haha. i have to say that i looked much better than i felt in most of the pics. those 7 months were pretty hard on me.
the NICU pics brought back memories that i wasn't really ready to re-live. it was hard (even now) to see my babies sitting there helpless and weak. if i had to go back...there are so many things i would have done differently and so many things i would have changed. but all in all i think johnny and i handled things the best we could and i personally think we did a great job. we did a lot of growing up in those 7 weeks.
i can't believe we fit so many memories in that one little year. the first few months after the girls came home are kind of a blur to me...so to see the pictures was amazing. i had forgotten about so much. there were pics of our first "outing" as a family of four. they were our first children and we were new at everything. it was fun to think about those days. we had pics of our first christmas tree, trips to the zoo, our family visiting, thanksgiving, easter, first baths, EVERYTHING.
it almost feels like we are turning a page in the story of our lives. one chapter is ending and a new one is beginning. our lives are changing and it feels GREAT!
p.s. JOHNNY AND I HAVE OFFICIALLY DECIDED TO ENJOY OUR TWO LITTLE BLESSINGS FOR AWHILE AND PUT THE BABY TALK ON THE BACK BURNER. WE ARE GOING TO SPEND LOTS OF TIME WITH THE TWINS AND MAKE EVEN MORE MEMORIES WITH THEM. MAYBE THIS TIME NEXT YEAR I CAN TALK HIM INTO CHANGING HIS MIND. :)
again, Happy Grandparents Day to everyone. have a great day and truly enjoy those that are around you. life is short and you need to live everyday to the fullest.