April 14, 2016

Staying Positive

It's hard.

To stay positive, I mean.

It takes a conscious effort each and every day, but I do it. I wake up and remember all the things that I am thankful for.

Shortly after my diagnosis someone informed me that I was entitled to a pity party, but that I should limit it to 20-30 minutes a day and then "put on my big girl panties and go on about my day".

What. The. Fuck?

I refer to those first few weeks as my 'dark days'. Each and every day was hard. The days were long and the heartache was intense. I had a lot of doubt and guilt. My faith was tested minute by minute and I wanted answers. I needed to know why.
It took a weeks for me to come to terms with the fact that I would never know why and that's just how life works.

I was insulted, though, to think that someone was crazy enough to limit my grieving to 30 minutes a day. Let's be honest here, there were days when I would sob uncontrollably for 2 hours. 

Each person handles their diagnosis differently. Each person has a different story.

I am a 28 year old wife and mother to four beautiful children. My best days are still ahead of me. I am a fierce friend and enjoy doing what I can to leave this world a better place. I find joy in little acts of kindness and am passionate about my children.

I must now mourn the life I thought I would live and begin a new journey.

One where cancer is more than a death sentence, it's just a way of life. I may no longer be able to live my life a certain way (due to the cancer in my hip) and I will grieve that life. I will also celebrate the things I now look forward to. My life is not over, only changed. I choose to find the blessings in each day and be thankful for them. It's not easy, but that's okay.


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