December 2, 2013

Updates on baby D

**I hate that I must refer to him as "baby D" when he is such a real and wonderful part of our lives, but I understand my responsibility as his foster parent.
 
Honesty is always the best policy. Let me try.
 
Here are some facts...
 
We have a court date quickly approaching for D and I have decided to attend. I've been told that this can be a HUGE red flag and scream THEY WANT TO ADOPT THIS BABY!! Even though those feelings are there (we would love to be D's forever family), I mainly want to go to simply see how things are done. How will person A, B, C, D, E, F and G all come together and make a joint decision. I want to see the dynamics of it all and experience as much as possible.
 
This is the 6 month court date. That just means that we are around the 6 month mark of the case and things need to be reevaluated. We will talk about the services being offered to those involved and what we think our next move should be. I am 99% sure that I know the direction that this case is heading. Our county worker is very open and does her best to not leave me in the dark with any of the details.
 
That's about all that I can share as far as the case goes, but I would love to share more about my bouncing baby boy.
 
D is over 7 months old now and finally cut his first tooth. His poor gums had been swollen for weeks and over the weekend, it just happened. He's officially a big boy now.
 
D receives WIC and even though I have been feeding him home made baby food for a few weeks, he just recently started getting store bought baby food. At first he HATED it. We had a major set back with the amount of food that he was consuming. I changed baby food brands and everything is back to normal and he is eating up a storm.
 
His 6 month well child check-up went perfectly. The doctor is very impressed with how well he is developing and growing. This makes me feel as if I am doing my job well. If nothing else, D is healthy and knows happiness.
 
D is trying to sit up on his own and it's only a matter of time before he longer needs me to sit behind him. :( That will be a hard adjustment for me.
 
Speaking of adjustments, D is still in our bedroom. He has a little bassinet next to our bed and that is where he has slept for the majority of his time in our home. Don't worry, he has an entire nursery set-up and just waiting for him. It's a very cute room, actually. We just can't bare to be that far from him. This is NOT something that I had a hard time with when my girls were little. The twins never spent a day in our room and Madelynn transitioned at 3 months. There is just something different about D and I can't stomach the idea.

 
I've noticed the beginning stages of stranger anxiety. He'll start to cry/scream if there are strangers in the room and he can't see me. As long as he knows I am near by, he is fine, but strangers seem to be really bothering him lately. On three occasions I had to physically take him out of the room so he could calm down and realize that I was still there. It reassures me that we have a strong bond, but terrifies me when I think of him reunifying in the future. My whole body goes weak when I start to think about the pain and confusion he will feel if he is ever to leave our home. The hurt that he will experience when he thinks that we no longer love him.
 
I often wish that the system was half as worried about a child's feelings when he leaves the foster family as they do when that child placed with that foster family. Especially in cases like D's when we are the only family he has ever known. I understand the whole biological relative situation, but when EVERYONE has been MIA for so long, shouldn't they lose a little bit of that perk.
 
How much better is a biological family member who never calls, writes or responds when there is a loving, involved and interested family that has loved that child from day 1? The system is obviously flawed and that makes everything a little harder to bare.
 
I have no idea where we will be with this placement in two months time. All I know is that I love him with my whole heart and no matter what the outcome, I won't be ready.
 

1 comment:

tiffany said...

Hey, I have a quick question I wanted to ask you about your blog, do you think you could send me an email when you get this? Thanks! Tiffany
tpham(at)dropcam(dot)com

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