Sorting it all out...

I guess I am still sorting out all of my emotions in my head, therefore making it difficult to get them written down.

Johnathon and I are 100% done with certification! We've chosen, however, to wait until May 1st to go on the 'open' list. That means that our certification will not be valid until that day. We've chosen to wait for a few reasons.

Mainly because I wanted to make sure that the two little girls I babysit for, and whom I adore, were able to get into a new babysitter/daycare. I'm so thankful that this was possible and I will miss their cute little faces everyday. Luckily for me, they live next door and I will see them often! :)

Johnathon and I also find it very important that we take this time and really focus on our biological children. Their lives, after all, are about to be turned upside down and we really wanted to take this time to deepen our bond with them and make sure that they feel secure in this family. We've had many talks with them over the last few weeks and done our best to answer all of their unique questions, but at the end of the day it comes down to something very simple...

All that they can understand at this point is that there will soon be a baby in which they get to hold, feed and love. They have no understanding of the stresses that baby may bring or the emotions that they may feel.

As a previous bio child in a foster home, their needs, wants and feelings are at the very top of my priority list right now.

It also just so happens that my mother will be coming out to visit the day before we go on the open list. Does that make me happy? You betcha! It makes me happy in ways that very few people could possibly understand.

We didn't plan it this way. She wanted to come out months ago, but then she was informed that she would need a third and final round of chemo. That lasted a few months and just last week she received the news that she is now CANCER FREE! I honestly didn't think that this was an option for her and it makes my heart do somersaults just thinking about it.

I am thrilled beyond words that she could possibly be here when we receive our first placement. There is no one else that I would rather have in my home, and in my corner, than my mom. She is the only person that I know who has experienced what I am about to experience and I am so thankful that I will have her here for support.

And if we don't receive a placement while she is here, fine! I will take this time to enjoy her and the fact that she is cancer free!

I wish the nursery was where I want it to be at this point, but with us switching it to a new room in the house, it really put a dent in my decorating and preparing. No worries, it has all the basics and is anxiously awaiting a beautiful little baby. We have a crib, changing table, glider, car seat and a few receiving blankets...that's it. It's very difficult to plan for a baby whom you do not know the age.

While I am on the topic, our preferred age is newborn-12 months.

I have a post coming soon about what our guidelines to confidentiality will be. I appreciate your understanding on the topic and apologize for the lack of details that I will be able to share.

xoxo