December 19, 2012


In light of the tragedy in Connecticut, I've been struggling to find my words. I was at the Naval Medical Center with all three girls when I eyed the ALERT on the waiting room TV and heard the horrific news. They didn't have many details at the time, but it was known that multiple children were involved. I could do nothing but wrap my girls up into my arms and thank God that their little lives were untouched by this violence.

You see, Johnathon and I had JUST decided to put Alyssa and Allison into public school for the remainder of their kindergarten year. The reality of what happened was just too much to handle and I couldn't help but wonder if we were just taking the easy way out. Was it really worth something like this possibly happening just so they could join the main stream and eat in a cafeteria? All of this just so I could free up some of my time to spend with only Madelynn and possibly a foster child? I was feeling selfish and thought that I was choosing to put my children in danger. I was visibly upset and the lady behind me could tell. She placed her hand on my shoulder and said, "Your children will be safe. Don't worry." It was like she knew exactly what it was that I needed to hear.

We were called back for Allison's appointment and when we returned to the waiting room it was confirmed that 20 children had lost their precious young lives. I called Johnathon as soon as we made it to the car and just started crying. We were officially the worst parent's EVER for wanting to send our children to public school and surely this was a sign that we shouldn't, right? Johnathon, like the lady in the waiting room, knew exactly what to say to calm me down. He reminded me that something like this could happen anywhere, not just at a school, and that we couldn't shelter our kids forever. I mean, he had a good point. Were we going to deny our children the opportunity to get their drivers license because we are worried about drunk drivers? Are we going to never allow them out in public? He talked me down and I was able to drive home.

We are choosing to still put the girls into public school and we are happy with that choice.

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The girls are doing great. We've been spending our days baking and just spending time together. Other than going to the commissary and looking at a few Christmas lights, we will probably spend the rest of the week inside and enjoying one another's company.
I hope you are all doing well and enjoying the season!

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