The wasted energy.
So many times I put an incredible amount of energy into a relationship that is sadly one sided. I've struggled with this since I returned to Illinois and have been around family and old friends. It's a source of stress that I have not had to deal with for years. Constantly feeling like your kindness and effort goes unnoticed.
I'm slowly starting to realize that it's just too much wasted energy on my part. Why invest so much time and energy on a relationship that doesn't bring me happiness? It's so sad to have to admit that I have this negativity in my life.
Deep breath in.
Long complete breath out.
With that breath I am releasing EVERY single relationship in my life. New friends. Most of my family. Old friends. Every single last relationship that does not bring joy to my life. (and I could probably count them on one hand)
I hold no negative feelings towards anyone. This is a conscious decision to weed through my life and to surround myself with positive productive people. From this point on, I will no longer go out of my way to maintain a relationship. The cards are in your hands now.
Why put energy into a wasted relationship when I am ignoring the ones that could possibly blossom into something real. Something life long!
All of this stress is doing a number on me emotionally and can't take it anymore. I have tried very hard since getting married to mature and let things slide off my back. I just can't take it anymore. I find myself getting angry often and feeling used.
I no longer care if I offend you when I stick up for myself. I no longer care what you think, because the feeling is obviously mutual. I will no longer care more for you than you do for me.
It's sad and pathetic that I have to publicly go through this on my blog, BUT this blog was first and foremost an outlet for me. A safe place for me to write and de-stress about my crazy chaotic life as a mother to twin infants. As my life has changed, new readers have come along. Most of them strangers and some of them close friends and family. If this offends you, then you are probably part of the 'wasted energy' I am referring to. Please do not comment or try to 'talk' to me about it. Simply reevaluate your own life and make changes accordingly.
I think the saddest part of this whole thing is that my life will be better off and I will not miss 1/2 of the people who will soon be missing from my life.
The ball is in your court...make a move. I'm DONE!